Pokhara bucket list:

Paragliding: I did the P1 course in Kamshet in Feb 2010. It was one of the most exhilarating experience to fly by myself over the chequerboard fields with the sun setting and the wind and birds my only companions.
The paragliding scene in Pokhara is just amazing, albeit expensive. I will complete the E2 course in Kamshet and come back to Pokhara to fly over the lake with Annapurna and Machhupuchharu behind me

Serious trekking: Nepal is so good for trekking! The nature is so available even here in Pokhara and my two hikes to Sarangkot have been very refreshing and liberating for my body. I can imagine how fulfilling it would be once I finally get moving on the 4-6 day Poon hill trek.
I will come back to do the Annapurna Circuit and Base camp next, and soon.

Teach: I see that it would be good for me to teach. I will look into whats required to become a teacher, maybe do TFI next year. Want to live, work in Nepal for some time in the future.

Sadhana: My Sadhana had been kicked into the next gear while I was here. Maybe the nature, maybe the people I met, maybe finally doing just what my heart desires... I have experienced day after day, the sweet blissfulness of total abandonment and involvement.
I will stick to Sadhana everyday.

Isha Volunteer: I have found my way of volunteering by spreading the word among travellers about Sadhguru, Isha, and Inner Engineering.
www.sadhguru.org
www.ishayoga.org
www.ishafoundation.org
www.dhyanalinga.org

Sketching: I bought a pencil today. Want to try my hand at Sketching again. :-)

Coming to Pokhara again soon. Have made lifelong friends here, with people and dogs and bees and everything.

Things Learned from Life so Far - II

1) Kriyas: The Kriyas are helping. They have somehow transformed my life. My parents are also benefiting from them. I must keep the continuity going. Do the kriyas without fail everyday. Ever since Sadhguru came into my life, I have felt a sense of abandon, a sense of trust that life is leading me to my destination, that life is going just right, contentment. I remeber the experience with nature at Araku, and again at Wayanad and at Neliyampathy. I remember the complete abandon of the trip in Kerala and Gokarna. I remember complete involvement everytime I volunteered and at BSP. Point to be remembered is, the Kriyas are helping. They are doing their job and I need to intensify the experience. I want to do it as an offering to Sadhguru rather than as a chore.

2) Sexuality: Sex is of the body, sexuality is of the mind. I see that gradually the compulsiveness in regard to sexuality is going away. I have a feeling the sexual energy thus saved is upping my progress in physical and mental health though I need to look at this hypothesis again. I need to be careful of pornography. Some compulsiveness remains there although I see clearly that the sexual release with pornography is not blissful, not satisfying anymore.

3) Marijuana, Alcohol, Cigarettes: One of my biggest addictions was marijuana. This time in Gokarna and in Pune, I saw clearly that it was not helping. One thing, it made me lazy so I would not do my kriyas. Second, it made me eat too much and also made me lethargic - not good for the body. Also, it made me think compulsively and without awareness. I was very aware of Sadhguru's presence pulling me away. I was no longer able to enjoy it like I used to. One thing I realized was, even if it gave me some sort of expanded consciousness experience, it happened without any awareness and it was very impermanent and too many side effects. Alcohol clearly does not agree with my stomach and my head. Cigarettes are poison for me given my Marfan (heart and joint issues) as I clearly saw with my experience in Pune.
What I need to be aware of is the group effect. In a group where most people drink, smoke or dope it is very easy to forget the awareness and regress into old patterns of behavior. The need to be aware and conscious is most important during group events!

4) Career: I will keep my mind open about this. Right now I am trying to do the Hata yoga course but there are some obstacles. I am going on another trip soon this time planned for 3 months. I want to look at my motivation to travel. Is it an escape? Is it a vacation? Does it help me grow? How can I make the experience deeper, more meaningful? Maybe by writing about it? Maybe by volunteering? How can I create a situation so that I can make it financially practical? The family business does not figure in my aspirations. Although I sometimes feel guilty about that, I can see that that guilt is emerging from my ego - which is hurt because it is not earning a living, rather than from any essential conflict in my self for choosing not to join the business. Also the guilt has something to do with the laziness. I am eating too much and surely sleeping too much. I need to put this time to meditate. I realize that I have the sweetest deal of all the meditators I know but that I am not putting that opportunity to full use.

Things learned from life so far:

Today was on of those days when I had an angst in me, an uncomfortable feeling for no reason. For a long time now I have been able to maintain a stable mind, a happy go luck attitude free of unnecessary thinking and a general involvement with life just enough not to make me suicidal.

I think the impending change is rocking my ship that is the mind on the sea that is existence. I need to remind myself of a few things I have learned in life.

1) Living in the moment. Past and Future are not under my control. While I waste time reminiscing or worrying, I miss th chance to 'live' the moment.

This also encompasses studying the beauty around, the beauty of everyday scenes and living with involvement or so called 'mindfully'. In the moment apparently is also a stress reducer (MBSR)

2) Ego: most unpleasant feelings vanish once you learn to see that they stem from your ego. And ego is quite a useless concept.

So when someone makes fun of you, instead of trying to come back with a retort, make fun of yourself more and you'll enjoy it.

3) Obsession about anything should be avoided. Identify your obsessions and watch out for them. Identify patterns of behavior and get rid of unwanted patterns.

4) Dharma - Artha - Kama - Moksha

5) Health: Being healthy keeps you feeling light and fit and happy. Exercise gets rid of lethargy and boredom and stress and depression. As a bonus you get a good looking body and a pimple free face. :)

6) Doing whatever you do to the best of your ability. This I learned from my college days and I hope to always remember. Even if you think doing something is useless and meaningless, now that you have to do it, doing it half heartedly is even more meaningless and wasteful of your own time and effort (and the cribbing about it is a bad choice you see)

7) Do not judge people. And behave with people the way you want them to behave with you. Yet expect nothing from others. And never place your happiness in someone else's hands. Be wary of emotions that others' behavior provokes in you. Its often unwanted.

As I prepare for my stint in London, I am sure I will learn much more. I need to remember not to get caught up in my old bad patterns of behavior. Change is not my best friend but I hope wih the above, I will be better prepared for it.

Above all a smile and positive thoughts! :)

Absurdity to Infinity

"More than the absurdity of life itself is the absurdity of trying to find meaning in it."

If you accept that life is absurd - lets start with this assumption. Why? You ask me. Well, why not?? You gotta start somewhere - so if you truly "accept" that life is absurd the you would stop trying to find meaning in it. That is to say, you will stop trying to look for meaning, search it in the past or wish it in the future. And just maybe try to enjoy the present instead. Maybe then you would see the present in its entirity (google's spell check's telling me that's not a word). I guess life truly, is just about appreciating it, moment by moment.

To go one step further, since you can't look ahead and see what happens 'after life', you can't really be sure that life is absurd (that is to say, has no meaning) either. Because by definition 'meaning' follows (and not precedes) 'existence'/'event'. At this point, even if you do not accept the initial assumption, I would ask you to consider the wisdom in trying to find meaning in life...

Maybe a thought initiated the action, but the action does not remember why it was initiated, it can only remember again at the point of its flawless completion, which is when the thought is realized. [Circle? or Infinity?]

Restless In-animation (composed 21 Mar 2011)

I got nothing.
Laugh out loud. Its time for change.
Change thats been awaited too long. Now, it's stale before it's arrived.

Left in a state of dull confusion, indecision lurks.
The tea looks funny and soon it will go cold.
Life seems to sit wasting like the tea.

The mind looks for the light.
But it seems to be harder this time.
Exam time is now. Lessons learnt need to be remembered.

Nothing matters, right? So what if I fail?
Yeah nothing matters, but I want to evolve.
Experience after experience, moving on, not dawdling.

I have been pig dung.
I have been the image of a prayer stone.
Time to change again and stand against new rain.

This chapter will pass too.
In a shoe box the memory will remain forgotten.
To pinch some distant present hoping the numbness would give way.

Ideas have been sprung upon.
But need to be examined. Tedium (or caution) prevents me.
But a climax must be explored.

Flashbacks of a Fool

This Video from the above awesome movie is very romantic in a non typical way. Watch the whole video: Builds up the anticipation till the emotion bursts at about 6:18... There is much to be said about the music (If There is Something (Live) - Roxy) but lets leave that for another post. This one is about this video. It takes me back to a wonderful time. A time when I had no responsibilities and infinite time - time all to myself. When all life was about was experiences - states of emotion produced by everlong sequence of events - like parallel streams - one outside, the one made of events - the other within, the one made of feelings. I remember observing (from an outside reference point) these two streams and somehow I guess they have gotten recorded somewhere in my subconscious.

Coz even today when I listen to this song, watch this movie (the outside stream), I feel the exact same set of feelings (the stream within) and its strage coz now they are set against a whole new set of outside events and also coz my receiving state is different.... Sry I guess I am getting too abstract: explaining it might mean too long a post.

Anyways, getting to the stream within - this movie/ this scene is about beautiful people and material lives... The music produces yearning (for what I dunno) - makes me feel one with the people in the scene. Makes me feel materialistic (and I like it) - Makes me feel beautiful and vain - again I like it. Takes me to another world - where I rule all - where I retain all my strengths and lose all my weaknesses. I am still super intelligent (still vain I guess), still romantic and creative and other worldly (bragging intentional :P), but I am also super good looking, charming, smooth and confident.

I can't explain the link between the scene and the way it makes me feel, coz I have forgotten the other elements of the outside stream that maybe produced this strange feeling - Strange.

Anyways, I guess the blog was to be about music n lyrics n not my blabberings. So - Great song, awesome movie - great performances and lyrics that take you back to your best memories.

Untitled

The ring-master lashed his Golden whip
And I locked myself into the cage of rules.
This cruel cage of my own making
Is my worldly stage to the audience of fools.


Written on 17th Dec 2009.